Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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