Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
