Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
