You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
