Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
