Michael Bay diarrhea
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
