I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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