Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize