we have officially lost it.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
