A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i drank out of a bidet.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
