Just fell off a train. Bad.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
