I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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