By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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