WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
