i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
