Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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