you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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