he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
