hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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