I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
