It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
