we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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