as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
