Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
