Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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