he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
