Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
