It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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