I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
