my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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