my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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