Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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