In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
