i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
