you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
