Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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