got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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