I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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