Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
