I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
