I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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