Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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