I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
