Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
