party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
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