Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
