I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
