you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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