mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
