sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
