I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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