Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize