I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
