She even gives head with a lisp.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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