So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
