she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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