you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
