Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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