On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
