I will die if light touches me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
