Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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