Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
