didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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