Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
