Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
