his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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